what is this in me

that breathes

and heaves

explodes

and rages

inside

unheard

unfelt

pain for pleasure

no other

feel it or not

smoke it away

push it away

bury it inside

it hates it seethes

it loathes

me

keeping it in

fighting it

forcing it

raping it

raping myself

scarred scared

hurt

felt

inside

deep within

that place

i fear

of loss

of love

of hope

of me

i hate it

i am it